A Month of Gratefulness{Day 27}

I'm thankful for family time. I'm sad to have to go back to my other work tomorrow, but that's life.

A Month of Gratefulness {Day 24}

Today I'm thankful for boy #2. He is smarter than he appears, loves all animals, and a Lego maniac. He keeps us hopping and seemingly has no end of energy except today. After getting up to watch me run and playing hard he fell asleep on the couch ear phones on.

A Month of Gratefulness {day 23}

Today I'm thankful for boy #1. He was the first to call me mommy. He is teaching me so much about being a better mom and a great mirror of my own sin.

A Month of Gratefulness {day 22}

I am thankful for boy #4. He was unexpected but I can't imagine life without him. Tonight I write this while laying next to him. I love his sweet voice and is greeting when I come home. He's singing me a song as we speak.

A Month of Gratefulness {Day 21}

#3 was about to be 1 year old when this picture was taken.

Here he is tonight.

I guess I can include my kids now.  I am thankful for boy #3. He is so happy, joyful, and full of laughter. He makes us crack up all the time. He is growing so much and learning so much. I mean the kid is smart! He is a bruiser and has the nickname Basher. I loves to be with his brothers and can hold his own in a wrestling match. Love this guy.

A Month of Gratefulness {Day 19}

I'm going to pretend that my life is put together enough that I did those previous days I missed.  Are you saying I can't do that? Well, too bad because I just did...Ha!

Anyway, today I am thankful for boys that are asleep. I love my kids, but there are some days when bedtime is just wonderful.  (she writes as I hear boy noises telling me that they are not in bed yet at 9:15pm) #4 learned to climb out of his crib so bed times have  been interesting. I just decided last night to make his crib a toddler bed. Fun times here so when I see sweet boys with closed eyes and peacefully sleeping I love it. I relish it.

A Month of Gratefulness {Day 15}

Halfway through...tonight I am tired. I made myself run (almost completely) 5 miles on the treadmill. I am slowly building for a 10k next week and a half marathon (which you already know because I am super nervous and will tell you about 5 million times).

Tonight I am thankful for date nights with my husband. This doesn't mean we go...heavens we already spend too much on babysitting anyway. No these are the moments where he and I connect our hearts. It is great and when we are out of sync it is the best way to get us back in line together. Speaking of which...I better get off this dang computer and sit with my hubby.

A Month of Gratefulness {Day 14}

Two weeks....wow!  I may pull this thing off yet. Today I am thankful for friends, old and new.  as stated in a previous post I am a addict of relationships so friends are super important to me, but as a recovering addict of relationships I recognize now those relationships that are beneficial to my soul.  There are a few people in my life that I would not be able to function without.  There will be no naming of names because well, that just isn't nice.  So yes, I am thankful for people who walk beside me and with me, who pray for me, who bless me with their presence and time, who reach to me when I want to hide and never let me get too far from seeing my Savior. I need them and hopefully the feeling is mutual.

A Month of Gratefulness {Day 13}

I woke up this morning thinking and feeling like I was going to have nothing to be grateful for today...It has been a really rough couple of days. I went to a great women's thingy yesterday. Right away though I was put in the fire to test what I have been learning not just yesterday, but for the past year and a half. It was intense and really hard. I found myself thinking I am a crazy person.  The conversations in my head are tough. The questions I am asking God are hard and I am not to sure I will like the answers.  ANYWAY, I have avoided starting to read this book because I knew that well, I would have to respond.  Crazy, right?  So the book is called One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are

In the first chapter alone I cried twice. I am only in the 2nd chapter, but God is slowly revealing that the best way to beat my craziness is to be thankful. So long story short, I will need to be thankful for something today just as a matter of taking a stand against the Enemy.

I am thankful for God's unfailing love and His tireless pursuit of me. He never let's me go even though I kick and scream sometimes. (ok really most of the time) A song that has been resonating with my heart recently is "One Thing Remains"  My favorite part is:

"Your love never fails, it never give up, it never gives up on me." 

At least there is one being I can depend on for loving beyond and in spite of my screw ups.

 

PS This is long, but amazing.

A Month of Gratefulness {Day 11 and 12}

Did you miss me yesterday? I make no apologies. It happens.  Day 11, I am thankful for the gift of reading.  Today I went with my boys to a book club.  This month (week, really 3 days) we read Star of Light by Patricia St. John. We have a focus on Africa this month and this is the book that went along with that focus.

It was really good, but it really made me thankful that my boys can read.  They have been given so many opportunities that many children around the world don't have. 

Day 12, I am thankful for times when God teaches me. Today I was able to spend most of my time at a conference for women.  It resonated with my heart. God created me. He loves me. He put all those intricacies that I call my personality there. Too many times I hear the lies of the Enemy. "You're not worth it. You're too much for people to handle. You're all alone. You're broken beyond repair. You have nothing of value to offer."  These are all lies, lies, lies. In Christ I am a new creation. The old is gone and passed away. So my challenge after today is to focus on the truths of who Jesus says I am. Looks like I will be spending some time in God's word. 

A Month of Gratefulness {Day 10}

I am thankful for days off. Can I get an Amen? I love my job, but there no greater joy than knowing I get to sleep in tomorrow.

Short and sweet folks....been a long day.  There were 89 people at Real with Recovery and it was awesome...now on to get some sleep.

A Month of Gratefulness {Day 9}

The funny thing about writing every day is now my mind is full of posts.  I blog while I am getting ready in the morning, while I am processing my morning of teaching, while I read my e-mail. I always felt I wasn't a writer, but perhaps I am becoming one. Not the "in a publish a book" type of writer though. I'll let my hubby do that one. :)

Again today's thankfulness comes with real life as well. I guess that is how it works for me. I hope though it helps you see my heart. For too long I hid my heart away, afraid of what I would see and what others would see if I truly allowed myself to be who I am without holding back. So today I am thankful for:

(cheesy I know)

I am not talking about the freedom I have to write whatever I want or the freedom to worship how I choose or the freedom to vote...(I am thankful for that too) NO I am talking about the freedom to BE who I am...who God created me to be.  For most of my life I lived (and still do occasionally...well let me be honest...I'm still battling this urge) with the fear of rejection/inadequacy.  Now you might be saying we all do. Yes, you are right, but mine was/is affecting my relationships with people and God in an unhealthy way.  Here are some signs of my sickness. (This is a lot of reading, sorry)

-I have difficulty saying “no” when people ask me to do something, even when I know I should not do it.


-I feel I need cover up for irresponsible people in my life because I don't want them to suffer. I'd rather "fill in and help them" then see them get consequences. It's my job to assist them.


-I understand that it is my job to fix, manage and hold my family/relationship together.


-I work hard to be thoughtful and nice to others and get angry when they don't respond or reciprocate my efforts.


-I worry about how I make people feel. It directly affects my own feelings.


-When I get in close relationships, I change to try that please that person. I often "read" people to figure out how I should act.


-I don't like being alone. I need to be around others all the time.
These two don't seem to go together, but trust me they do.

-I am afraid of people. I need to isolate.


-Being "good to myself" is equivalent to selfishness


-Other people's needs always come before mine, even if it I have urgent needs and they do not


-In the areas of my life where I experience approval, I often become over-involved. In the areas of failure, I detach and withdraw.


-If something is not perfect I see it as a failure


-I become defensive when others point out my imperfections


-I often measure myself in accordance with other people. It leaves me feeling as if I'm "better" then others sometimes, and "worse" then others at other times.


-I feel very inadequate when people seem to "have it all together." I tend to avoid friendships with those type of people.


-Deep down inside, I don’t really like myself and don't want people to know the "real me"


-I tend to blame and criticize people and circumstances for my feelings.


-I have a hard time leaving relationships, even if they are unhealthy


-I have a difficult time asking people for help, even when it's necessary.
If I could double bold I would.
-I feel sometimes that if I don't do it myself, it will never get done right


-I find it difficult to speak what I truly feel or ask for what I need.
source
My sickness is called codependency...It is bondage, lose yourself kind of bondage.  This previous year I experienced what it would be like to be healthy....it was freedom like I have never felt before.It is a freedom that comes from resting in Christ and His love for me.  He accepts me for who I am, sin and all. I have more to say, but I will leave it at that.


Just kidding...real life. This week I am co-leading a group of people who have this same sickness...fear, worry and inadequacy fill my mind and heart. Help me Jesus, to rest in you and allow you to work in me and the people who have in our group. I realize that I can't do it all, but you have me in your hand and will give me all that I need to show them to you. Remind me that it isn't about me or how good I am or how well I speak, but only your saving grace.

Month of Gratefulness {Day 8}

All right, today's post is part grateful yet real life too. I am thankful for a job that provides for my family and allows me to be with my family more so than other jobs.

Now real life....teaching kids is hard! Especially those who have a lot of ground to cover. I see so much potential in each of them. I believe in them. I see the good in them, but they have to see it themselves before much can happen. So I pray for them. Encourage them and sometimes cry for them.

I'm praying I survive this year and that they will learn too.

The joys of teaching...reading center, paper paper and more paper, stacks of teacher books.

Month of Gratefulness {Day 7}

My first blog from my phone! Crazy?! So if it weird you know why. Tonight I am thankful for four little boys who make me crazy yet keep me laughing.

A Month of Gratefulness {Day 6}

Do you mind if I share two things? Good, because really you have no choice. I am the author here.

I am thankful for cold, rainy days. It provides the opportunity to light a fire, where sweaters, and drink hot cocoa. It can be difficult to keep boys occupied without going outside, but today I am thankful for it. I would love to eat a bowl of soup from Panera and sit with a good book.

I am also thankful for a new ministry that is starting this week, Nov. 10th from 7-9 pm at Sandals Church. (is that a plug or what?) My husband is the head of this ministry which is....a recovery ministry for addicts and those that love them (codependents). I am thankful for a couple of reasons. #1 it is something that we get to do together. #2 We will get to see God do something amazing in people and heal them. I look forward to it.

If you are interested you can email realwithrecovery@sandalschurch.com  

A Month of Gratefulness {Day 5}

I will be honest. Most days I am not thankful for little cars....those are the days where I inadvertently step on one with my bare feet or I am constantly picking them up after already picking them up.  Today though, today, I am thankful for them. I always wanted to be a mom of boys and I am. Boys are fun. Boys are messy. Boys love cars.  Can you tell which movie we watched last night?  I am thankful for having cars all over my house because it reminds me that I am a mom of 4 wonderful boys who love cars.

A Month of Gratefulness {Day 4}

I must admit that I never thought that I would ever say the following, I am grateful for running. I have never considered myself a runner, but after this summer and fall, I find that I need this in my life. It gives me a way to run the stress of life off and I get to spend some undisturbed moments with myself.  Usually God meets me there and it is wonderful. Just this week I went the the YMCA and pounded out 3 miles. It felt GREAT! Currently I am preparing for a 10K on Thanksgiving with my sister-in-law and for a half marathon in January with Team World Vision. There is a lot of fear going into this. I am afraid of failing. I so badly want to be that person who just whips out 6 miles no problem, but the reality is when I finish at whatever time it is, I will have finished the race. Again, I am grateful for running and having the ability to run.
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith" 2 Timothy 4:7

A Month of Gratefulness {Day 3}

You thought it would be the kids next right....Nope! I like to keep you on your toes.  So I must admit.

 I AM AN ADDICT! I love Dr. Pepper. It is like calmnesss in a can. I need help. In all seriousness, I am working on cutting down the soda intake.  BUT I am thankful for this wonderful can of goodness.

source

A Month of Gratefulness {Day 2}

Again, so glad that I am doing this. It is coming at a time where I am facing some mighty big giants. It reminds me of how the Israelites were always having to be reminded of God's goodness, like parting the Red Sea or providing food in a desert.  Anywho...I am thankful for my husband...expected right, but I really am. This is a picture of him at the beginning of redoing our wood floors. On this project alone he spent 36 hours of hard labor to make them look amazing. He has sacrificed much and given much especially the past year or so. He helps me not be so crazy and is one of the most caring people I know.  He inspires me to love like Jesus does and well, I am not so great at that. He is a wonderful father too. I love him and can't wait to spend another ____ years to come with him.

****Reminder to self....proofread all posts before you publish, sheesh!****

A Month of Gratefulness {Day 1}

My "Holy Cow" and I

I refuse to skip Thanksgiving and go right to Christmas as so many stores are already doing. I NEED to remember what I am thankful for. It causes to me to think beyond the temporal and to the things that really matter. So in an effort to improve my attitude, get in the spirit of the month, and up my blogging, I will be giving thanks for something every day this month.

#1 As cliche as this may sound, I am thankful for my relationship with Jesus....He has carried me through a lot of stuff these past two years. I have grown to know Him deeper and He isn't scared or shocked by what He sees. That is important for someone who is scared to let it all hang out there for fear of rejection. I love that I don't have to fear that with Him because He loves me. I literally don't know where I would be or what I would be without Him. He gives me hope when I have none. He gives me strength when I am powerless. He gives me compassion when I would rather not love. He gives me grace when I screw up (on a regular basis). He loves me when I am at my worst. Most importantly, He died so I could live.