Thursday, October 2, 2008
The Up Hill Battle
I know that many of you are teachers and others know at least one (you know me:)), but it is hard to describe what a battle it is now a days (or at least in California). Most days I try to stay positive about teaching because I am surrounded by negativity. I have a hard time working in an environment like that so I try to overcompensate. Then there are days where I feel like crying. This week has been one of those weeks. I love my class. They are sweet. They are fun. They want to learn (I think). YET, I look in their faces and realize my worth as a teacher is based on their scores on the CST(that's the state test we give every spring). I look at them and their home lives and think, my worth as a teacher is dependent upon parents putting aside their wants to care for their children by making sure they do their homework and work with them at home on things they need help with. I look at them and see their work and think, my worth as a teacher is whether they can figure this out in the amount of time I give them. It seems impossible some days to think that these children who work so hard to understand yet can't seem to get the wires straightened out for whatever reason will ever "get it". So then the question becomes where is the battle that I need to fight? It is for the large mass or the one? Am I waiting till I know for sure they all get it, or do I plow ahead hoping that in the next lesson it will become clearer? I am in a quandary with my job. It is rough and hard, but "I get summers off". Thanks for letting me vent.